What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
about cumming, not toast
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.