Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
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i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...