just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just want to make out with him forever
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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