I need to stop coming to work sober
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.