would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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