i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
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they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.