my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
