True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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