I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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