1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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