I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
