pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Those nachos came to me in a dream
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
