I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
