Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
