she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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