New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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