How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
