Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
