Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
