some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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