just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
