Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
