Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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