Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
