the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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