I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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