New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
