i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
