i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Randomize
