drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
