This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
