I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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