I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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