About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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