I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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