These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
