maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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