Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
