Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I look better un-naked...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
