and you said cock pushups were impossible
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
