The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
