Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
