I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
so explain again why im purple
no
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
