i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
