I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am one with the molecules
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
