can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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