Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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