Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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