dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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