My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
