That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
