you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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