I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm just crazy horny about you
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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