Michael Bay diarrhea
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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