Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
