mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
