they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
