I skipped work to stalk him.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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