Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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