Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
