Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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