Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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