i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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