Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
