Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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