my vag is so smooth its legendary
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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