hell yes lets make some ravioli
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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