I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
