So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
