Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
